You’ve just been told that it’s over. Maybe you saw the signs that it was coming to an end but now it’s all real.
You’re starting to feel a lot of emotions – confused, hurt, desperation, disbelief. And then it happens. You get out of control and start making one or more or even all of the mistakes you shouldn’t make when faced with a breakup.
It seems logical to you that your actions would work at the moment to fix things but in actuality they only make things worse.
So what are these 7 things that you shouldn’t do that will most likely convince your ex that he/she did the right thing?
See if you made any of these mistakes:
1. Begging & Pleading
When faced with the reality of a breakup, this is one of the things that more people do out of instinct.
You must understand that its completely normal but its one of the worst mistakes you can make if you intend to get your ex back.
Why doesn’t this work?
It doesn’t work for a number of reasons.
It shows desperation, selfishness and weakness on your part and these are all negative qualities that no one wants in their partner. And at this point, your partner is looking for reasons to justify their actions.
Just think about it…would you want to be with someone who is always begging and pleading…a selfish person.
Its been proven that men & women want what they cant have and that they love challenges. Begging and pleading makes you so available that there is no longer any type of challenge.
Men aren’t attracted to women that are easy and this approach to getting him back just makes you all the least attractive. A woman on the other hand prefers a strong man and this display of weakness is not going to help.
So if you’re begging and pleading to get a guy or gal back it puts you further away from getting them so just back up a little…they’ll respect you for it.
2. Thinking That You Need To Be Around All The Time
You really shouldn’t.
When your ex broke up with you they most likely meant that they didn’t want to be together anymore.
This means that they didn’t want your company and they might have even explicitly said that they needed space.
Wanting to be around them would only make them more tired of seeing you and they’d also be uncomfortable – which would push them further away.
Don’t think that because they don’t want to be around you necessarily means that they are seeing someone else…they might be but they could just need the time away from you to think about what is really happening.
When you deprive them of that space they don’t have time to think – all they want to know is when are you gonna leave them alone.
Giving them that time may lead them to realizing that they need you even more than they thought resulting in you getting your ex back.
3. Reassuring Your Ex That You’ve Changed
Trying to reassure your ex that you’ve changed or that you will change isn’t going to work because hearing it and seeing you do it are two completely different things.
Doing this constantly tells them that you did something wrong and when they’re reminded about this you’re not going to be any closer to getting your ex back.
All they will see is a desperate promise and the mistakes you made weigh heavier than such a promise. How likely are you to change? Especially if you’ve repeatedly made the same mistake over and over before.
Instead you should be focusing on making these changes while you’re apart so that the next time you do encounter you ex they will see that you’ve changed instead of having to hear a seemingly empty promise.
Actions do speak louder than words.
Should you be making these assurances and promises that you have changed without actually changing will backfire on you even worse when they do find out, so that’s why reassuring your ex pushes them even further away from you.
4. Telling Your Ex “I Love You” & “I Need You”
“I Love You”
“I Need You”
“I Cant Live without You”
It’s all good to show affection while things are going great. But when you’re dealing with a breakup, these words transform in their meaning.
Making your ex feel guilty works against you. You can never get your ex back if they feel guilty.
How does telling them stuff like this make them feel guilty?
For one they’re feeling like, “I’m a terrible person. My baby loves me so much but I’m doing this to them.”
It also makes you look less attractive in their eyes. You’re being needy and this tells them that they can have you anytime. Leaving isn’t a problem to them because you’re always there…do you see how this pushes them further away?
Telling someone that you need them more than anything else also tells that person that you’re focusing only on your needs. What about what they want? They want to leave and when you challenge that they will surely have their way.
5. Reasoning & Arguing
Reasoning and arguing only makes matters worse.
It gives your ex more reason to want to be away from you. Reasoning and arguing means that you have differences and if they can’t have their way while you try to have yours then nothing is going to ever get resolved…including your relationship.
More than likely you’ll be trying to find answers for questions like:
“Why are you breaking up with me?”
“Is there someone else?”
“Cant we just work this out?”
These questions never yield the answers that you want to hear and/or accept.
Trying to reason & argue your way back can be emotionally stressing for your ex and they’re most likely to give up listening.
The only way they can give up listening if you keep arguing is to be away from you.
6. Acting Depressed
Its a fact that dealing with a breakup can be very depressing.
But acting depressed around your ex can be your worse enemy. No one wants to be with a sad sap of a person.
Think about it…the person you fell in love with was upbeat and enthusiastic right? They could always make you smile and you felt good being around them.
Its no surprise that your ex will feel just the opposite when the state that you’re in is exactly the opposite.
If being upbeat makes them feel good then won’t you want them to feel good? This is why you shouldn’t act depressed around your ex.
I know…its hard to pretend to be upbeat and act as if everything is all rosy when you do feel like crap for being rejected but ask yourself…how much do you want your ex back?
7. Constantly Calling & Texting
This is probably the most difficult habit to control.
You will most likely feel very insecure after a breakup and calling and texting is how you deal with it.
However, calling and texting your ex is the same as wanting to be around them all the time. They left because they’re fed up and they don’t need you to be calling them all the time.
The problem with calling and texting is you’re likely to break all of the other rules. And as I’m trying to show you, doing all these things will send your ex running in the opposite direction making it harder and harder for you to get them back.
The more you mess up, the further away you’re pushing them.
One of the most common mistakes involving calling & texting is what is called ‘drunk dialing’. This comes from someone who went out and had a good time and got drunk and then they call their ex and starts acting a fool.
You don’t have to be drunk to ‘drunk dial’. Calling your ex 10 times per day will tick them off good enough so you could imagine what calling them 10 times in 5 minutes would do especially if they don’t pick up or you get the voice-mail.
Another mistake involving calling and texting is called “text message terrorism’. You probably don’t need an explanation for this.
Its best not to call or text your ex soon after a break up…in fact, it is recommended that you don’t call them for a set period of time.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder…and that is a true statement. Showing your ex that you don’t need them by not calling and texting them will take them by surprise and they’ll wonder how you’re getting along.
Yes, they will think about you if you don’t call and most likely they’ll respect you for not doing so.
OK…I’ve Messed Up! Can I Still Get My ex Back?
You’ve probably made some of these mistakes if not all of them. You’re likely asking yourself if it’s still possible to get your ex back.
The answer is YES.
You can ABSOLUTELY still get your ex back.
It doesn’t matter the situation or if you’ve made all of the mistakes listed above.
Simply knowing what not to do is great but its probably too late to undo these things. You may still be doing something wrong. Now is the time to put an end to all that.
So whats next then?
What you need now is a solid plan for getting your ex back. One that you can follow and implement step by step until you get your ex back in your arms.
You also need to know why what you’re going through is happening so that when you do get your ex back things won’t end up the way they went before.
Right now you’re probably having a tough time…I know how you feel. You need to know how to find instant relief so you feel better as time goes on.
For reading this far I can tell that you are serious about getting your ex back and I really applaud you. You’re were smart enough to look for a solution.
In his book, The Magic of Making Up, T.W. Jackson says that the first thing you should do when you’re faced with a breakup is to accept it.
Accepting the breakup means that you wouldn’t have any time to make any of the 7 mistakes above and you’ll have a much better chance at reconciling with your significant other.
T.W. Jackson also lays out a plan for coping with the breakup to what you should do to get your ex back and how to deal with things after you’ve gotten your ex back so you can build the relationship stronger than it was before.
Click here to see a review of The Magic of Making Up by T.W. Jackson.